Dear Mr. Dentist,
Wow has it really been a year? It really doesn’t seem all that long ago but I am sure that your information is correct. I’ve just checked with my health insurance coverage and have been made aware of the staggering fact that although I pay for a health insurance scheme – I am no longer entitled to certain privileges such as dental, eye, ENT, oncological, Visceral, psychiatric, pediatric, lymphatic, or Ob/gyn.
I must therefore decline your generous offer of an appointment and in order to not have to embarrass myself in future with any ills pertaining to these lost privileges I have taken the following steps to avoid any future problems. I have removed all my teeth, bought a pair of binoculars on ebay, regularly clean my ENT tract by heading down to the beach and sniffing the ocean (since I discovered that for years I have been purchasing salted water at the chemists – when there it was all along for free on my bloody doorstep) have started smoking 80 a day in order to speed up the oncology process, drink copious amounts of red wine in order to flush out my organs, sniff talc (apparently this is quite an effective cocaine placebo and helps trigger the happy gland), Abandoned my children somewhere along the M50, not entirely sure what the lymphatic system is (note to self: call health insurance and see if the robotic machine knows) and have removed my uterus with a fork.
I have also discovered to my astonishment that my blind, 3 legged dog has better health coverage than me.
Yours sincerely,
Kimberly Mc Adoh
